A Little Bit of Me

Joy. Happiness. A place to call home. I finally have what I wanted when I was a little girl, long before I was hit with the harsh reality that was growing up with my mother. As most girls grow up with a mother that helps them with clothing, hair, boy problems, and makeup....Mine was too concerned with how much I had ruined her. Ruined her body. Ruined her mind. Ruined her ability to be whoever she wanted to be that day, because she had someone who relied on her to feed and clothe them. Long story short, my mother and I have never gotten along. Maybe it was because, of the three kids (me, and my younger and older brothers) I was the only one she didn't breastfeed. Maybe it was because she felt pressured into having kids by my father, who she claims browbeat her into agreeing to have kids in some deluded idea that my father was competing with his younger brother. I grew up listening to my mother berate my father about me and the boys, because she never wanted kids yet she agree...

As I suspect everyone has, I battle self-doubt on a daily basis. Can I handle being promoted at work? Can I handle having a boyfriend for the first time in 5 years? Can I handle raising my daughter, working full time, and going back to college? Am I a good mother? A good friend? Am I annoying? Complacent? Irritable? How do others see me?  And a million other things. I doubt that I am worthy, of anything and everything. I doubt that I can raise a viable member of society that can think for herself, while I keep telling her not to argue with me. I doubt that I can make any man happy, much less happy enough to stay with me. I know I can physically make them happy, but regardless of what the stereotype says, not all men want only sex. And not all women are prudes.  But I still doubt that I can make anyone happy by just being me. Hell, I haven't "just been me" in so many years.....I've forgotten who "I" am. But it is slowly coming back.  On the flip s...

Dating in my 30's.....This may take a while to explain My thoughts on dating in your 30s.....I am too damn old for high school games. Give me someone who can actually hold a conversation past the first few minutes,  past the niceties. Show me someone who goes against what society thinks and actually speaks their mind. (gasp!) Honesty and loyalty and trust are very scarce these days.  And I don't care what someone looks like. If we click, we click. Looks fade but personality is everything. I work full time plus help care for my ailing grandmother, and I have a 4 year old at home. So no, I don't have much time to date or hang out n chill. (Netflix n chill is not on my dating menu)  But when I make the effort of talking to someone and propose going for dinner or coffee or something, to see if we truly click in person, don't ghost on me. Ain't nobody got time for that! If you want me, tell me. And actually follow through on it! Don't play games to see ho...

So it's been a while since my last post, and I've been thinking, a lot, about work ethic and jobs vs careers. So, here's my thoughts on all that. I currently work in customer service, and there are plenty of times when I wonder if I'm the only one I work with that has more than an ounce of work ethic. I mean, I can see what needs to be done and make time in my shift to actually get it done. But most people are smarter than I am....they can see what needs to be done, figure out how to do it half-assed, so they know that no one will ask them to do it again. If they do it wrong enough times, they know that no one will ask them to do it. They know that someone else will eventually break down and do it for them. We all know what needs to be done, and no one does it. When did it become normal to spend more time trying to figure out ways to get out of doing the work, instead of actually just going and doing the work? When did it become normal to pass the buck on things a...

Let me start by saying, if anything I say here offends you, please kindly piss off! I do not care if I offend anyone. In fact, I'M  offended that everyone gets offended so easily! That being said, I do not set out with all certainty to offend anyone. Usually, it just happens. Something I say will offend someone, usually because it is the truth. So I say, Button Up, Buttercup! Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like an adult! Life is full of disappointments and if you haven't figured that out by the time you reach your teen years, you are sadly unprepared for adulthood! So, on to why I'm really writing today....People of my generation have no work ethic! And I am sick and tired of people complaining about having to actually do their jobs! *gasp* How dare someone expect you to do what you were hired (or promoted) to do?! That's just ludicrous! There have been plenty of times when I wish it was okay for me to tell people they are stupid and should just p...

So, since I signed up for eHarmoney about a month ago on my sister's advice, I've had less than a few....prospects? Matches? Potential boyfriends? I'm not sure what to call them. Anyway, I've had a few matches and even less have progressed past the second stage, when we send each other the "Makes or Breaks", which is 10 things that Make or Break a chance with that person. I don't like to keep the same ones all the time, since there are so many to choose from and so many times my thoughts have changed on it. What may bother me one day may seem like nothing to get worked up about the next day, so I like to change it every once in a while. That's probably a typical "girl thing" to do, but hey, I'm a girl and it's about time I started acting like one. Or so my sister teases me about.  I don't go for looks or money or profession or anything else. I simply want someone I can talk to that isn't looking to add to the notches on his ...

I'm not sure that phrase works in Florida. Case in point: a recent experience my family had at the local Arby's restaurant.  This was a few weeks ago now, and my father, my Minion, and myself were out shopping and since it was close to lunch time and my Minion had been exceptionally well-behaved that day, we decided to reward her with Arby's. She loves the food and we don't get out to eat much, since taking my grandmother out in public usually ends in embarrassment.  So the three of us walk in and there's no one in the lobby. No customers. And no customers in the drive thru, as we had just walked past it to enter the building. The assistant manager was taking orders for the lobby, identified on her name tag as ASSISTANT MANAGER. I forget her name by now, but she was a cute little brunette. She took my father's order while my Minion and I took a detour to the bathroom. When we came back, my father asked if he was paying for us or if we were splitting it. I sa...