Relationships
Ah, relationships. We all have them, we all loathe them at one point or another. I, at the moment, loathe relationships, mainly because mine just ended. At my decision. Almost 3 years with someone, and you think you can't be surprised by his/her actions.
Back story...I've been with A since 2016. We met when I was working at a convenience store, and it took him 4 months to work up the courage to find an excuse to give me his phone number. I ended up being the one to ask him for his number, under the guise of needing it for a store customer loyalty program. He doesn't have kids of his own, but he used to be great with my DD - taking care of her while I was at work at night, helping her learn to get dressed, brush her teeth, learn to potty train, etc. But the last year or so, things have been weird between us. And really bad the last month or so.
I had a feeling that something that going on, but I couldn't pinpoint what, exactly, was weird. I tried asking him; no response. He said everything was fine every time I asked. So, I (in my infinite womanly wisdom {of which, I am not proud}, I did some checking of his online messages. Facebook, to be exact). And what I found was the catalyst for the breakup. In hindsight, we'd been heading that way for weeks, but this was the final straw.
He had accepted a friend request from the whote next door (we shall call her Sherry). Sherry lives with A's friend, not sure of the relationship between said friend and Sherry, but it's not my place to be a nosy neighbor, because frankly, I don't care. I don't like people enough to ask about their living arrangements. Anyway, I don't really care who A messages, because I thought we had the type of relationship that revolves around trust and honesty. But, I was wrong.
What I found when I logged into his Facebook was messages from Sherry...personal messages between them, and rather shocking pictures sent from her to him, and he didn't say anything to her about not sending them! He called her a "sexy tease" and never once, in multiple chances, told her "hey, I'm living with someone that I'm trying to have a relationship with, please don't send me pictures like that." Or better yet, just block her from day one. Or even better than all that, TELL ME ABOUT IT! He never did, in the 2 weeks they were messaging!
Am I wrong to expect my boyfriend (almost fiancee) to tell me when he receives questionable messages from the whore next door? Am I wrong for breaking up with him because he couldn't be a man and tell that homewrecker to leave him alone? Am I wrong for expecting him to talk to ME about our relationship, instead of sharing his personal life with someone like her?
As a result of me breaking up with A, he has stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey. After drinking a 1.75 liter bottle of whiskey every week, he quit the day I broke up with him. What he did was just the last straw. He tried to blame me, and say the pictures were sent 2 weeks ago and he didn't even reply. HA! I caught him in a lie, and THAT was somehow my fault.
I just want things to go back to the way they were when we first met. Obviously, the honeymoon phase is long over. He's trying, but I just don't know if I can move past this. How can I trust him again after this? He knows how I found the messages, and he isn't upset at that, but how can I forgive him for this? How can I get over the feeling that he's just found another way to message her? Or someone else? How can I get over the feeling that he's not happy with me and that's why he didn't tell her to stop? How far would it have gone if I hadn't found the messages? I mean, she lives right next door!
Back story...I've been with A since 2016. We met when I was working at a convenience store, and it took him 4 months to work up the courage to find an excuse to give me his phone number. I ended up being the one to ask him for his number, under the guise of needing it for a store customer loyalty program. He doesn't have kids of his own, but he used to be great with my DD - taking care of her while I was at work at night, helping her learn to get dressed, brush her teeth, learn to potty train, etc. But the last year or so, things have been weird between us. And really bad the last month or so.
I had a feeling that something that going on, but I couldn't pinpoint what, exactly, was weird. I tried asking him; no response. He said everything was fine every time I asked. So, I (in my infinite womanly wisdom {of which, I am not proud}, I did some checking of his online messages. Facebook, to be exact). And what I found was the catalyst for the breakup. In hindsight, we'd been heading that way for weeks, but this was the final straw.
He had accepted a friend request from the whote next door (we shall call her Sherry). Sherry lives with A's friend, not sure of the relationship between said friend and Sherry, but it's not my place to be a nosy neighbor, because frankly, I don't care. I don't like people enough to ask about their living arrangements. Anyway, I don't really care who A messages, because I thought we had the type of relationship that revolves around trust and honesty. But, I was wrong.
What I found when I logged into his Facebook was messages from Sherry...personal messages between them, and rather shocking pictures sent from her to him, and he didn't say anything to her about not sending them! He called her a "sexy tease" and never once, in multiple chances, told her "hey, I'm living with someone that I'm trying to have a relationship with, please don't send me pictures like that." Or better yet, just block her from day one. Or even better than all that, TELL ME ABOUT IT! He never did, in the 2 weeks they were messaging!
Am I wrong to expect my boyfriend (almost fiancee) to tell me when he receives questionable messages from the whore next door? Am I wrong for breaking up with him because he couldn't be a man and tell that homewrecker to leave him alone? Am I wrong for expecting him to talk to ME about our relationship, instead of sharing his personal life with someone like her?
As a result of me breaking up with A, he has stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey. After drinking a 1.75 liter bottle of whiskey every week, he quit the day I broke up with him. What he did was just the last straw. He tried to blame me, and say the pictures were sent 2 weeks ago and he didn't even reply. HA! I caught him in a lie, and THAT was somehow my fault.
I just want things to go back to the way they were when we first met. Obviously, the honeymoon phase is long over. He's trying, but I just don't know if I can move past this. How can I trust him again after this? He knows how I found the messages, and he isn't upset at that, but how can I forgive him for this? How can I get over the feeling that he's just found another way to message her? Or someone else? How can I get over the feeling that he's not happy with me and that's why he didn't tell her to stop? How far would it have gone if I hadn't found the messages? I mean, she lives right next door!
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