Self-Doubt

As I suspect everyone has, I battle self-doubt on a daily basis. Can I handle being promoted at work? Can I handle having a boyfriend for the first time in 5 years? Can I handle raising my daughter, working full time, and going back to college? Am I a good mother? A good friend? Am I annoying? Complacent? Irritable? How do others see me? 

And a million other things. I doubt that I am worthy, of anything and everything. I doubt that I can raise a viable member of society that can think for herself, while I keep telling her not to argue with me. I doubt that I can make any man happy, much less happy enough to stay with me. I know I can physically make them happy, but regardless of what the stereotype says, not all men want only sex. And not all women are prudes. 

But I still doubt that I can make anyone happy by just being me. Hell, I haven't "just been me" in so many years.....I've forgotten who "I" am. But it is slowly coming back. 

On the flip side of that, I know that I cannot force someone to be happy with me, which brings about more self doubt. If someone can't be happy with me as I am at face value, then why try dating at all? It's a loaded question, with many feelings and hidden meanings. Doubt is a powerful emotion, one that we can't see just by looking at someone. 

 Doubt is probably my biggest issue in dating. I doubt the other person's feelings, even when they have given no reason to be doubted. I doubt my worthiness of belonging to someone. I doubt whether I can be happy with someone in my life. I've been single for so long....It makes me wonder if I'm even worthy of dating someone. Do I know how? Do I know how to date someone long term and not just a fling? Do I even know the difference? 

 I wish I had an answer for all the doubts I have. I guess I'll just wait and see. And try my hardest not to f*ck this up.

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