Deadbeat Parents
This blog post is very personal to me. My youngest, who I call Minion, has a deadbeat dad.Or sperm donor, as I usually call him. Long story short, he begged me to have a baby with him, which was my first mistake - giving in to his begging. Then, when I was 2 months pregnant and we had just gotten confirmation of my due date, he decided that he was scared and didn't want her anymore, so he tried to beat her out of me. I fought back and he went to prison. I gave birth in September 2012, and a year later, I moved to Florida, to get away from him. He had been out on bail before the trial and wouldn't leave me alone, even though there was a no contact order. Once I knew he would be going to prison, I notified him of my intent to move and took my minion to Florida, where my family is. I needed the support system and he didn't even attempt to keep us in Wisconsin.
Fast forward to April 2016. The sperm donor has been out of prison and on parole since December. He kept contacting me, not in regards to the child we have together, but in regards to trying to win me back. Now, I'm sorry. I understand that I have made some really shitty decisions when it pertains to the men I allow into my life, but I have never once gotten back together with an ex. They are all ex's for a reason! Whether they broke up with me or I with them, once they are an ex, they stay an ex.
Anyway, he decided to tell me all the reasons why he can work 12-16 hours a day, yet not have any money to send for child support. His rent is $800 a month, without a roommate because he's on parole. HIs car payment is $200 a month, which isn't in his name and he isn't even supposed to have, because his license is revoked for not paying fines and child support. He claims his friend drives him everywhere. I don't believe that. Sperm donor is one of those guys who can't handle other people driving them around. They get anxious and nervous and can't handle not being in control. He didn't even want to answer when I asked why he doesn't do what everyone else does who have responsibilities that they claim are important....walk to work, buy a cheap bike, ride the city transportation, which is much better in his city than it is where I am. He is a master of excuses, and will try to rope you in to an argument just to get a rise out of you. Because he can. Even if he doesn't particularly care about the topic being argued.
At the end of listening to him complain about not having money to send to support the child he begged me for, I told him this....
I am blocking you now. When I start getting regular support payments for a child you claim to care about but don't actually want to help support, then I will unblock you from my contacts on my phone and internet. Until then, Bye Felicia! You have my mailing address, that is all that I am legally required to provide for contacting my child.
I may be wrong in saying what I did, but I am tired of getting the run around when it comes to him paying to support his child. I still live at home because it is expensive to support a child who grows as fast as she does.He doesn't want to know anything about her, only ways to get into my life and learn what I want out of a relationship. Well, what I want doesn't matter. SD is a toxic person and I am deleting him from my life until he learns the lesson that he cannot pick and choose when he wants to contact his child. This is not the Build a Child Workshop. You can't make something, then throw it away just to pick it up again when it's convenient for you. If that makes me a bad mother, a mother who blocks out the man who donated his sperm and DNA to a child he has met twice in almost 4 years, a mother who protects her child from the heartbreak of having an unstable person in her life....then fine. I guess I am a bad mother then. But I will be the best bad mother I can be and protect my child from the harsh realities of a "father" who only wants to be with me, and not with her.
Don't think with your dick and expect everyone to be ok with it. If you can make a baby, you can support it, whether you are 2 miles away or 1300 miles away. If you claim to love the child, support the child. And yes, I understand that there are deadbeat mothers out there too. I'm sure there are a few who would claim that I am, since I live at home or whatever other reason they can throw at me. But I know I am doing the best that I can to make sure she is provided for.
Deadbeat mothers. Deadbeat fathers. Deadbeat caregivers. It shouldn't matter what your feelings are toward the other parent. Don't use the child or children as pawns in the game of trying to get back or hurt the other parent. Minion doesn't know the concept of "daddy" or "father". She knows Momma, Grandpa, and nana, great grandma. She hasn't asked me about her father and when she does, since kids always ask, I honestly don't know, at this moment, what I will tell her. I won't lie to her. I won't put false hope into her head about being a family again and living happily ever after. Because life doesn't work that way. It is full of disappointments and trials, of love and loss.
My child will know about her father, when she asks about him. She will learn that not every family has a mommy and a daddy. Some even have neither a mommy nor a daddy. The important thing is to have people around you that love you and will care for you in the best way they can.
I have no problem with him being in her life, if he chooses to do what is right and help provide for his child. I am not looking for money to spend on myself or anyone else. Just her, my minion. For a man who claims to love her and want to help care for her, he isn't putting in the effort. Vilify me if you will, I welcome the comments. But do not, for one second, tell me I don't care about my daughter, that I only want money. I couldn't care less about money. I only care about her being taken care of by people who care for her and have no ulterior motives in play.
Fast forward to April 2016. The sperm donor has been out of prison and on parole since December. He kept contacting me, not in regards to the child we have together, but in regards to trying to win me back. Now, I'm sorry. I understand that I have made some really shitty decisions when it pertains to the men I allow into my life, but I have never once gotten back together with an ex. They are all ex's for a reason! Whether they broke up with me or I with them, once they are an ex, they stay an ex.
Anyway, he decided to tell me all the reasons why he can work 12-16 hours a day, yet not have any money to send for child support. His rent is $800 a month, without a roommate because he's on parole. HIs car payment is $200 a month, which isn't in his name and he isn't even supposed to have, because his license is revoked for not paying fines and child support. He claims his friend drives him everywhere. I don't believe that. Sperm donor is one of those guys who can't handle other people driving them around. They get anxious and nervous and can't handle not being in control. He didn't even want to answer when I asked why he doesn't do what everyone else does who have responsibilities that they claim are important....walk to work, buy a cheap bike, ride the city transportation, which is much better in his city than it is where I am. He is a master of excuses, and will try to rope you in to an argument just to get a rise out of you. Because he can. Even if he doesn't particularly care about the topic being argued.
At the end of listening to him complain about not having money to send to support the child he begged me for, I told him this....
I am blocking you now. When I start getting regular support payments for a child you claim to care about but don't actually want to help support, then I will unblock you from my contacts on my phone and internet. Until then, Bye Felicia! You have my mailing address, that is all that I am legally required to provide for contacting my child.
I may be wrong in saying what I did, but I am tired of getting the run around when it comes to him paying to support his child. I still live at home because it is expensive to support a child who grows as fast as she does.He doesn't want to know anything about her, only ways to get into my life and learn what I want out of a relationship. Well, what I want doesn't matter. SD is a toxic person and I am deleting him from my life until he learns the lesson that he cannot pick and choose when he wants to contact his child. This is not the Build a Child Workshop. You can't make something, then throw it away just to pick it up again when it's convenient for you. If that makes me a bad mother, a mother who blocks out the man who donated his sperm and DNA to a child he has met twice in almost 4 years, a mother who protects her child from the heartbreak of having an unstable person in her life....then fine. I guess I am a bad mother then. But I will be the best bad mother I can be and protect my child from the harsh realities of a "father" who only wants to be with me, and not with her.
Don't think with your dick and expect everyone to be ok with it. If you can make a baby, you can support it, whether you are 2 miles away or 1300 miles away. If you claim to love the child, support the child. And yes, I understand that there are deadbeat mothers out there too. I'm sure there are a few who would claim that I am, since I live at home or whatever other reason they can throw at me. But I know I am doing the best that I can to make sure she is provided for.
Deadbeat mothers. Deadbeat fathers. Deadbeat caregivers. It shouldn't matter what your feelings are toward the other parent. Don't use the child or children as pawns in the game of trying to get back or hurt the other parent. Minion doesn't know the concept of "daddy" or "father". She knows Momma, Grandpa, and nana, great grandma. She hasn't asked me about her father and when she does, since kids always ask, I honestly don't know, at this moment, what I will tell her. I won't lie to her. I won't put false hope into her head about being a family again and living happily ever after. Because life doesn't work that way. It is full of disappointments and trials, of love and loss.
My child will know about her father, when she asks about him. She will learn that not every family has a mommy and a daddy. Some even have neither a mommy nor a daddy. The important thing is to have people around you that love you and will care for you in the best way they can.
I have no problem with him being in her life, if he chooses to do what is right and help provide for his child. I am not looking for money to spend on myself or anyone else. Just her, my minion. For a man who claims to love her and want to help care for her, he isn't putting in the effort. Vilify me if you will, I welcome the comments. But do not, for one second, tell me I don't care about my daughter, that I only want money. I couldn't care less about money. I only care about her being taken care of by people who care for her and have no ulterior motives in play.
Comments
Post a Comment